Thesis:In spite of all the change and turmoil that families go through, if Bible principles govern your roles and responsibilities then a dynamic household can be built out of desperate hours.
TODAY’S MAJOR POINTS
Point 1. God cares about every Christian perfecting his or her family in the faith.
Point 2. Perfection is possible for imperfect people because our perfect God has given us a perfect word that can be taken by the Holy Spirit and used to radically transform us into a perfect image—Christ.
Point 3. A dynamic family has to be a fortress and not a façade, because God wants us to build families that can withstand the attacks of the enemy.
Point 4. Since they are consecrated to God, that seals their commitment to one another.
Point 5. You didn’t come to your parents; you came through your parents.
Point 6. Do your children know that they have unconditional affection even though you cannot give them unconditional approval?
Point 7. Nothing will alienate a child or a spouse more than making them work for something that ought to be free.
Point 8. If you want a better child, be a better parent.
Point 9. You need to receive your child (or your spouse) even when you are displeased with your child, because that is what consecration looks like.
Point 10. You learn to cope by developing contentment.
Point 11. Perfecting parents learn how to attack the problem without attacking each other.
Point 12. There is no greater gift you can give to your children than to let them see by your actions that you know God, and by your reactions that you obey God.
CLUES TO SUCCESSFUL PARENTING
1. A strong sense of consecration
A. Tell them that we will value each other and stay together for a lifetime
B. Remind them frequently that they are a blessing and not a burden
C. Assure them they are loved unconditionally
2. A strong sense of communion
FIVE MAGICAL MOMENTS PRODUCING COMMUNION
A. Part on a positive note
B. Reconnect at the end of the day
C. Go to bed with a good attitude
D. Show appreciation by giving compliments
E. Set aside “date time”
3. A strong set of communication skills
A. By being a good listener
FIVE MUSTS OF INTENTIONAL LISTENING
1. I must listen with a purpose
2. I must practice listening for understanding, rather than criticism
3. I must be aware of words and behaviors that make me defensive; and exercise emotional control even though I disagree
4. I must concentrate on what they are saying
5. I must recognize that listening may be the key to my success
B. By cutting off the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling
4. A strong set of coping skills
5. They share a growing sense of Christlikeness
PASSAGES REFERENCED
Prov 24:3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:
Psa 37:4-5 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Prov 20:3 It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Prov 29:11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Prov 18:6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes.
Prov 29:20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
Prov 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Prov 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
Prov 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.
Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Recommended Resources
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp, Shepherd Press, 1998.
Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trumbull. Great Expectations Book Co.: 1993.
Family Shock: Keeping Families Strong in the Midst of Earthshaking Change, by Gary R. Collins. Tyndale House: 1995.
“The Five Musts of Intentional Listening,” by Jan Pedersen. http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Pedersen2.html
* Note: recommending a resource does not constitute Alan’s endorsement of everything in the book. Read with discretion, and balance any author’s advice against what you are learning in the Bible through the Career Class or our parenting groups.
